All Things Unpredictable?
There have been only two constants over the years - Phyllis Deloatch and Beatrice Barbour - my sister and cousin innately the same.
In May of 07', I spoke with Phyllis via phone (for the last time). We were ones to email repeatedly throughout the course of a day and finish the day with a phone conversation. During the last conversation she asked, "when are you coming to see me my brother." I said "I have to be outta here in about two weeks, so I don't think I'll get back this time." Her response was somewhat strange ("I bet you won't even come to my funeral") in light of what had been discussed and decided upon years before... that if something should happen to her while I was in a place far away, there would be no reason for me to return for a funeral. Albeit I still felt that her comment was strange or somewhat eery a thought provoked. The next email I received having reference to Phyllis, came from Beatrice who had no knowledge of my close connection with Phyllis. Hence that email contained a footnote that Phyllis had passed on. I was prompt to reply to Beatrice - informing her of my grieving the loss of Phyllis - telling Beatrice that she was in this instance, the bearer of bad news - jokingly, as I still had Beatrice to help me mourn such a great loss!
Comes March 15, 2008 - a phone call from Al Boo first and lifelong friend: "Hey man whatcha doin?" - "I'm sleeping" - "Well Bea is in the hospital... ." - "I can't talk right now... ." I pray pray pray pray... .
I lost faith in God when my father died... or I hated God when my father died - for years. Robert, uncle Robert does not know that his faith in God is what restored my faith in God - I sat beside Robert in church, as Beatrice, his daughter, had driven me to that church, knowing that I would find him there. I sat next to him for at least thirty minutes without his knowing my identity, as it had been years since I had seen him - not to mention how long it had been since I felt the need to enter a church.
Beatrice means the world to me! So I promise two things to the same God, and conditionally: Save this wonderful being so dear to me and I will forever serve you undauntedly... . Take her away from here and me now, and I will be here not as your servant but for adversary - unpredictable.
If anyone knows how it feels to put life on hold for the sake of others who live human like you, while you wait for a time as planned, in the same life, to live that life as close to the dream you've had of that life - a time free to live as you've so vividly seen imaginatively - you might have a clue as to how I feel right now. I do not care about such clues as I am the only one to know the extent of such adversarial actions that may be so conditionally carried out by me. In this life, today, do I have the means to convey my ideals more than God did when he lived as a man? I pray, but in this case my prayers are demands.
